By Leesa Barnes
Every time you attend a networking event, mixer, cocktail party or conference, you’re bound to make contact with someone new. In order to build rapport, you will need to meet your new business contact over coffee, dinner or a game of golf. This especially becomes tricky if the person you just met is the same sex as your spouse or partner.
The last thing you want to do is spend each day arguing with your spouse or partner about the amount of time you’re spending with your new business contact. Yet, you may be making mistakes right now that are causing unnecessary friction in your personal relationship.
To ensure that you get to sleep on the couch night after night, here are some surefire ways to get the green-eyed monster in your spouse or partner to rear its ugly head every time you interact with your new business contact. You’ll also learn tips on what to do instead.
- Give your home number and home address to your new business contact. Wrong. The only phone number or address you should give to a new business contact is your office information. Anything outside of these office details is really pushing it.
- Tell your new business contact to call you at any time. If you want to continue having a happy relationship with your spouse or partner, inform your new business contact to call you anytime during business hours. Allowing your new business contact to phone you after dinner or into the wee hours of the night is an invitation to a heated discussion with your spouse or partner.
- Meet your new business contact at a nightclub, bar or other social setting. This is a recipe for disaster. Try to meet your new business contact in a more professional setting, such as at a coffee shop, an executive club or better yet, at your office. Nothing will irritate your wife or girlfriend more than to hear that you’re meeting your new female business contact at the spa. Your husband or boyfriend will be equally annoyed to hear that you’re meeting your new male business contact at a salsa dancing event.
- Skype or instant message your new business contact more than you speak to your spouse or partner. Another bonehead move on your part. You only have so many hours in the day dedicated to business and if you find that your leisure time is spent instant messaging or skyping your new business contact instead of relaxing with your loved one, be prepared to sleep on the couch.
- Keep the name of your new business contact a secret. Oh my, this is a cardinal sin. You can avoid an inquisition by sharing the name of this new business contact with your spouse or partner. Just be honest. Tell your loved one that you met someone at a networking event who you’ll be spending a bit of time with because they may become a client. Or, they may partner with you on a project. Don’t keep your significant other in the dark.
- Speak glowingly of your new business contact every minute of every day. This too is a no-no. Praise the skills that this person brings to the table, but do not compare how much more fabulous your new business contact is than your spouse or partner. If you continue to gush about how wonderful your business contact is, expect to receive a tough lip reception every time you reach over for a kiss from your significant other.
Relationships can be tricky, yet can become a nightmare if you choose not to inform your spouse or partner of a new business contact, especially if that contact is the same sex as your loved one. Being honest about your intentions and keeping your professional hat on will ensure that your partner remains happy while you forge ahead and network with new people. Leesa Barnes, The Schmooze Coach, helps consultants, virtual assistants, professional organizers, coaches and solopreneurs avoid cold calling by developing a fearless networking plan. Leesa is author of "Schmooze Your Way to Success: 9 Fearless Networking Tips for the Shy, Timid, Introverted & Just Plain Clueless." Go to http://www.schmoozeyourwaytosuccess.com/ecourse.html and sign up for her free 8-lesson ecourse called "From Clueless to Fearless: Secrets from the Schmooze Coach."
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Leesa_Barnes
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By Leesa Barnes
Above image: Hart Schaffner & Marx advertisement, 1956
You’re at a networking event or in a business meeting and an attractive person walks into the room. You feel your pulse racing and something starts to stir in the middle part of your body. Not to worry, it’s not your lunch coming back up. You’re feeling the vibe–-the “I want to bag you” vibe.
It’s difficult to turn a business contact into a date. You met over very business-like circumstances and you could ruin a possible joint venture, partnership or alliance if you make the wrong move. A contract may not be signed if you ask for a date and the person just isn’t interested.
To avoid ruining a business relationship with an ill-timed request for something on the wild side, follow these six winning tips to turn a business contact into a date.
- Listen for clues about their marital status. When you’re at a networking event or when you sit in a meeting, the person chatting will always give clues as to whether they’re married, attached or single. Often, the person will say “My wife and I…,” or “My husband thinks…” You could avoid embarrassment by taking the time to listen for these not-so-subtle clues.
- Explain your intention for meeting up without sounding like a jock or jockette. At a networking event or in a business meeting, you should always have your professional hat on. Don’t say, “I think you’re hot. Let’s hook up for a drink.” Instead, tell the person that you find them interesting and you’d like to talk more at another time. By saying the word “interesting,” the person will see your request as harmless since it could just mean that you want to learn more about his or her business.
- Suggest meeting up for coffee. Ask for the business card and explain that you would like to follow-up. Then arrange a meeting over a low-pressure drink. Don't schedule your first encounter over lunch or dinner. Because of how long it takes to consume a hot plate of food, if the person turns out to be boring, you’re stuck wasting away precious time. On top of that, meeting over lunch or dinner can turn out to be expensive, especially if the person has a healthy appetite. Opt for coffee instead because by the time you finish your cup of brew, you may decide to end the meeting there or make an appointment for a future get-together.
- Keep the paws off. When you meet for the first time over coffee, you still have no idea if your feelings of attraction will be reciprocated. Avoid becoming touchy feely after the handshake. Instead, keep everything professional and treat the person as a business contact.
- Ease your way into personal questions. Remember, you’re still trying to find out if the person is even attracted to you. Keep your questions professional, opting to ask about business goals instead of sexual conquests. A rule of thumb is to ask 1 personal question for every 3 professional ones. If you’ve asked the person about their business goals for the current year, who their target audience is and whether they’re going to expand, you now have permission to ask a personal question. Your personal questions should revolve around these issues:
- Where he or she grew up
- What’s his or her favourite movie
- What type of music he or she listens to
- What is his or her parent’s nationality
- What books is he or she currently reading
- What is his or her favorite spot in the world
- Ask for the date. After following steps 1 to 5, if you’re feeling the vibe, ask for what you want-– a real date. If the person says, “Yes,” you’ve scored big time. It means that your gal-dar or guy-dar is bang on. If the person says, “No,” take the rejection in stride. Just tell the person that you misinterpreted their feelings and put your professional hat back on. Shake hands and tell the person it was nice getting acquainted. Then, go home and cry.
Just because you met the person at a networking event or in a business meeting, doesn’t mean you turn off your attraction radar and become a eunuch or a monk. Instead, follow the tips above and you’ll have more success of turning your business contact into a date, and less chance of getting rejected for crossing the line. Leesa Barnes, The Schmooze Coach, helps consultants, virtual assistants, professional organizers, coaches and solopreneurs avoid cold calling by developing a fearless networking plan. Leesa is author of "Schmooze Your Way to Success: 9 Fearless Networking Tips for the Shy, Timid, Introverted & Just Plain Clueless." Go to http://www.schmoozeyourwaytosuccess.com/ecourse.html and sign up for her free 8-lesson ecourse called "From Clueless to Fearless: Secrets from the Schmooze Coach."
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By Dr. Yakini
I was recently invited to make the cake at a friend's wedding. Imagine my surprise when she asked for cupcakes in lieu of a traditional, tiered cake! I gladly agreed and, upon researching for this special project, was delighted to learn about this fabulous and unique way that couples are celebrating the sugary side of weddings. I knew right away that I would write an article about this experience to share with my readers!
Above image: Martha Stewart Weddings, Winter 2003
Homespun white cupcakes, topped with swirls of buttercream icing and crowned with fondant hearts imprinted with the bride's and groom's first initials. Cake stand made of Styrofoam and boards, with three" wide lace-doily trim.
In recent years wedding cupcakes have become increasingly more fashionable amongst the avant garde bride. In lieu of the traditional, multi-tiered wedding cake, couples are opting for a “cake” made of of mini cakes, or cupcakes. After all, they are a neat way to save money on your wedding while also adding a touch of whimsy to the reception. Indeed, individual tiers of cupcakes make an interesting and trendy wedding cake statement. They are traditionally light and are ideal with tea or coffee at the end of the meal. I have also found that they are wonderful conversation pieces, as guests really appreciate the originality.
The most popular way to display your beautiful little cupcakes is on a tiered cake stand, or cupcake tree. This enables you to create the image of a tiered wedding cake and displays these cakes off to their full beauty. Further, you may use the top of the tier to display a cake topper and/or traditional, 6" round cake for the couple's one year anniversary.
Still not sold? Ruby Carter, wedding/bridal consultant, offers the following reasons why brides, grooms, and guests have fallen in love with this trend:
Retro - These little cakes have become popular with a generation of people who can remember them from their childhood. Just like those memories of our favorite sweets, wedding cupcakes bring back nostalgic calls of, "Oh, I remember those."
Cute - These adorable little cakes are just so cute when decorated and boy do you have a choice of decorations. These cakes can be topped with butter cream whirls, fresh strawberries, or cute daisies to name just a few options.
Colors - Because the choice of topping or decoration is so vast, it is easy to coordinate these little cakes into your color scheme. You could opt for the beautiful pastel range, plain and elegant white, or a more vivid color palette such as hot reds or chocolate browns. Whatever your color theme there is bound to be a cupcake topping to complement.
Flavor - Due to the unique nature of having individual wedding cakes it enables you to have a cake of many flavors. There is no rulebook out there on cupcake wedding cakes. You might decide to have all the same flavor of cakes, might opt for two flavors, or you might be unable to decide and have a cake of many flavors, The choice is yours. Some of the sponge flavors available for wedding cupcakes are: carrot, lemon, banana, vanilla, chocolate, cinnamon and many more.
Versatility - Because of their individual nature these cakes are very easy to transport, display and serve. They also enable guests to choose their favorite cake flavor if yours is made up of different flavors.
Size - Cupcakes mainly come in two sizes: small which is a traditional cupcake size and large which is more of a muffin size. Couples may choose to have all the same size or both!
Cost - Choosing to have a cupcake wedding cake is an inexpensive wedding cake option, so if budget is an issue these cakes will offer you a perfect budget solution.
The Downside of Wedding Cupcakes:
Even though they add a unique touch, Debbie Ridpath Ohi of www.weddings.lovetoknow.com reminds us that wedding cupcake cakes can take away some of the wedding reception tradition. She notes, "For instance, there will be no photographs of the bride and groom cutting the cake together and no singing a few rounds of “The Bride Cuts the Cake.” Traditional wedding items such as keepsake, silver cake knives and slicers are deemed unnecessary as there’s no need." However, the bride and groom can still feed one another cake, if they are so inclined.
You’ll also need to be sure to have a cupcake for each guest in attendance. If you fall short, you can’t start cutting thinner slices. When making plans for wedding cupcakes, it’s best to over-estimate.
The Reception:
Here are a few photographs of the cupcakes that I made for my friends' reception. The wedding colors were ice blue and ivory, and I displayed each cupcake in an adorable, handcrafted Cupcake Cuddler, specially customized by renowned cake designer, Carol Pawlak. Carol's Cupcake Cuddlers, as featured in In Style Magazine and ABC's "In Style Celebrity Weddings," were the perfect way to set off these sweet, dainty treats. The bride was thrilled with how her wedding cupcakes vision had come alive!
Above images by Keith Cephus Photography Traditional wedding cakes are still the norm and, in their glory, are gorgeous and dramatic confectionary creations. However, if you are looking for a way to simplify, scale down, or just be different, consider a wedding cake of cupcakes. Whatever you choose, a beautiful cake can make a huge impact on the overall elegance of the reception, so take your time and research what option is best for YOU on your very special day!
Dr. Yakini is a clinical psychologist and freelance lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, NY. She owns and edits Girly Home Webzine®, the online magazine for ladies living siddity in the city. CLICK HERE to return to view Dr. Yakini's other cake designs. CLICK HERE to return to the Home Page.
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How does your opinion match up? Talk about this poll in the comments section.
Dr. Yakini is a clinical psychologist and freelance lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, NY. She owns and edits Girly Home Webzine®, the online magazine for ladies living siddity in the city.
By Dr. Lona Smith  People are finding love later in life. Getting married in your 30's and 40's is a wonderful thing! You know yourself and who you are and who you want to be with. You already have a fabulous career that you love and are making big bucks. You are not looking for a spouse to give you an identity or fill up your empty life; you are looking for a life partner who appreciates all of the wonderful qualities you have and can enhance your life by adding to your already busy and wonderful "Sex and the City" lifestyle. By the time a modern day couple gets married, they each have their own stock portfolios, 401(k)s, condos, BMW's and other chic toys to go with their fast-paced lives. The problem is that divorce is as common as marriage in today's society. Have you just met your true love and had your first marriage? You have a 41% chance of getting divorced. Is it your second marriage? Don't get attached because you have a 60% chance of divorced. If it's your third marriage, you might as well throw in the towel right now because you have a 73% chance of getting divorced! Marrying later in life has its benefits but we have a great deal more to lose in a divorce. 30-year-old Reese Witherspoon has surpassed Julia Roberts as the highest paid leading lady in Hollywood . She makes $29 million per movie, while philandering hubby Ryan Phillipe makes a paltry $2.5 per movie. She had no prenup when she married Ryan Phillipe. Even though Ryan flagrantly cheated on Reese throughout their marriage, under California community property law, she must fork over half of her money to him in the divorce.
Starter marriages are de rigour in modern society. Women are educated, have glamorous careers and earn their own money. What happens when a starter marriage fails and the woman is the bread winner? Women with high powered careers often have to pay their ex-husbands hundreds of thousands of dollars in alimony. "Ladies, protect yourselves. Without a prenup a court can give half of your money to your ex-husband," warns Dr. Lona Smith, the foremost expert on prenuptial agreements. In community property states like California , Texas or Washington , your husband can take half of your income, whether he deserves it or not.
Even if he cheats on you, hooks up with your best friend, or is the husband from hell, he can be legally entitled to your salary. You work hard for your money and need to protect yourself in case you get divorced. "A prenup is a safety net in case a divorce occurs. If no divorce occurs and you have a prenup, you will know the assets and debt your partner has before marriage, you will see how they fight when it comes to money, and it will strengthen your relationship," says Dr. Lona Smith, a well-regarded authority on prenuptial agreements.
If you are a divorcée, you already know how messy divorces can be and what can happen. Get a prenup to avoid further heartache. If you have children from a previous marriage, keep your money for your children. The worst thing you can do is marry a cad and have him take his younger girlfriend to the Bahamas using your daughter's college money. Sure, it would be wonderful if this marriage would last forever and you could become lucky in love for good. But in the event that this marriage will not last forever (as 60% of second marriages do not, and 73% of third marriages do not), see a lawyer immediately and protect your assets by getting a prenup.
If you are a high powered, corporate attorney and are married to a sweet travel agent who makes a lot less than you, get a prenup. If you are a woman with considerable assets, who marries a man who's only considerable asset is his baseball card collection, then get a prenup. You can hope for the best that your musician boyfriend who delivers pizzas for a living will get signed to a big record label and make it big. However, when you get married, don't rely on hopes and dreams to take care of your financial future and bank account. Losing $50,000 can definitely hurt the average person. Thus, if you are a normal woman who is marrying a man who makes considerably less than you, you may need a prenuptial agreement far more than a celebrity. Although you love your husband, have a happy marriage, and expect to grow old together, it doesn't hurt to be prepared. Hope for the best but expect the worst. The bottom line is before you get hitched, be smart and get a prenup.
Dr. Lona Smith received her doctorate degree in clinical psychology and is a frequent speaker on the topics of Prenups, Engagements, Marriage, and Relationships. She can be reached through www.prenuping.com.
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 If you’re anything like me, you're already preparing for those warm, relaxing summer months ahead by selecting your favorite beach reads. I’m excited to introduce to you a personal friend of mine, Ms. Rachel Skerritt, who has authored several hip, flirty, and fast-paced novels that I promise will become your top beach picks too! With two or three of Rachel's novels tucked into your cutest beach tote, all you need remember are your sunglasses, towel, and sunscreen!
After graduating from the University of Pennsylvania in 1999, Rachel returned to her hometown of Boston to teach high school English at her own alma mater. Alongside her commitment to improving public schools, Rachel always had a passion for creative writing. In her last year of college, she'd begun a novel entitled Truth Be Told, a coming-of-age story that was loosely based on her experiences at Penn. In 2001, she self published the novel, selling many copies out of the trunk of her car, and trying her best to prevent her curious high school students from reading about her somewhat mature adventures.
Since then, Rachel has been recognized by both Ebony and Essence magazines for her short stories. She also received an award at the Hollywood Black Film Festival for her original screenplay. Most importantly, she has written and published two more novels: No More Lies and When The Lights Go Down. Currently working as a high school principal, she still makes time to write, and is crafting her first major non-fiction project. She is confident that this will be the book to land her on Oprah. *smile*
Take a look at Rachel's author interview with GHW®!
1. So your latest book, When The Lights Go Down, revolves around the entertainment industry, while your last two novels had central characters that reminded us of people we actually knew. Why the change?
It's funny - When The Lights Go Down does take a look at celebrity life, but it does so from the lens of an outsider. The story revolves around Kahlila, a bored-with-life, jaded-by-relationships English teacher who escapes to New York for the summer to try to end her streak of bad luck with guys. She gets more than she bargained for when she meets and falls for Darius Wilson, a huge R&B music star. Suddenly she finds herself in a world that had always fascinated her, but now causes her to make some major sacrifices. She has to make some difficult decisions about what she really wants and needs to be happy.
2. I heard a rumor that Darius Wilson is actually a fictionalized version of John Legend. Is this true?
Not true in the least! John Legend and I were classmates at Penn, and when I decided that I wanted to explore this topic, he was really helpful around giving me some ideas of situations that might be plausible and others that would not. The Darius Wilson character is an artist who feels like he is not control of his career, and he's not happy with the music he's recording. That couldn't be further from who John is. But I did want to write a book about "ordinary people" in extraordinary situations, so I guess that's a subliminal shout-out.
3. What's been the most frustrating part of the publishing process?
Well, I'm fortunate in that I have a book deal with Kensington, so they handle a lot of things that authors who self promote have to do themselves (editing, distribution, etc.). But we don't always see eye to eye, which is hard. For example, I don't think the cover of my book is an accurate representation of what the book is about. If I saw my own book on a shelf at Barnes and Noble, I wouldn't buy it. That's tough to deal with.
4. What's your next project?
It's actually a huge secret, but it's going to be fabulous. In the meantime, I'm giving 24/7 Rachelisms in my blog, which is a lot of fun: www.rachelskerritt.blogspot.com. Visit www.rachelskerritt.com for more information on her plans and projects. CLICK HERE to return to the Home Page.
By Jodi Panayotov
Anger and infertility go together like a horse and carriage, love and marriage, like bad hair and Donald Trump. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Whilst there may be serene and blissful pregnancies the battle to conceive may be anything but.  I don't think I was ever so cranky as when I was trying unsuccessfully to have a baby, culminating in the IVF process. And giving IVF drugs to an already emotionally fraught woman is like waving a red flag at a mallee bull. For the first time in his life my two metre tall husband was actually scared of me. I'm not sure what he thought I was capable of but he didn't want to find out. Which is why, when we were halfway up the mountain on our weekend away and I yelled that we had to turn back as I'd forgotten my basal thermometer, he did. Without arguing. Just went a little pale before putting the indicator on and doing a swift U-turn.
In a past life, BTTC (before trying to conceive), it would have been out of the question but this was now, I was mad and he was nervous.
Not that I ever shared what was going on in my head or anything. No, I kept the homicidal thoughts towards pregnant women, people who blew smoke in their children's faces and power walking pram groups to myself. Nor did I share any of the ideas I had about what should happen to people who abused their kids, Courtney Love, Jordan and other abysmal celebrity mothers.
Then there was the small stuff - the 'you left the light on', 'you forgot to buy parmesan cheese' and so forth. It was quite fortunate by the time it came to IVF and no sex was required because there couldn't have been any with my moods, unless it was of the make-up variety. But you better get in quick, I just spotted a mold spot on the ceiling and it's making me furious.
Seriously though, why do we get so angry? And why do we get so down on ourselves for being that way? The answer to the second question probably lies with the fact that there is still some expectation, stemming from last century that women aren't supposed to get really angry. Bulldust!
All those 1950's magazines with the perennially happy homemakers, grinning whilst they ironed, beaming while they vacuumed, twinkling as they fetched their husband's scotch and slippers set some pretty warped notions of how we should be. Had there been IVF then, no doubt the woman would have been pictured there in backless gown and matching paper hat sunnily beaming her way through the egg pick-up, or smiling beatifically in wasp waisted dress as she injected herself with Puregon.
As for why we get so angry, well, aside from the sense of injustice that this is happening to us, and the lack of understanding and insensitivity we often experience from others, including loved ones, anger is a part of grief. A healthy part.
The grieving process comprises four parts - denial, anger, sadness and acceptance and when we suffering infertility which is something we struggle to deal with we will experience these emotions before we can either resolve or learn to accept the situation. Anger has as much of a role as sadness though different people experience each in different measures.
In accepting that anger is OK you can start to tame the beast, not feel so out of control with it. This doesn't means trying to suppress it - it will reveal its ugly head again later anyway, usually when you're at an important work party with your husband.
There are things you can do to take the edge off it - yoga, various forms of exercise, boxing, counseling, just putting headphones on and going off for a walk.
And if it's your partner that bears the brunt of it, talk. Tell him that this is how you are right now and it's not about him. It's about the situation. Unfortunately for him you can't shout at your ovaries or your IVF doctor.
The other thing to know is that it will pass, either when you fall pregnant or when you have worked through the process and reached a new place to be in.
Unlike Donald Trump who is stuck with his hair forever, you won't be stuck with the anger. Jodi Panayotov is author of 'In Vitro Fertility Goddess,' a non-fiction book about her absurd, fertility-obsessed journey to motherhood. The book has been described as "Australia's answer to Bridget Jones," by ABC Radio National Breakfast Presenter Fran Kelly. To read some Free Excerpts and more articles by the author go to http://invitrofertilitygoddess.com
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By Ruth Houston
This may be the most important article you'll read about dealing with your husband's affair. There's plenty of information available on what to do if your husband is cheating. But very little has been written about the things you shouldn't do.
 Your husband is cheating. You're not sure what to do. Before wrestling with that decision, let's focus first on what you SHOULDN'T do. Most women react blindly when they find out their husbands are having an affair. They let fear, anger, hurt, or a desire for revenge compel them to do things they later regret--things which make it difficult or impossible to implement any worthwhile infidelity advice they may later receive.
This article will keep you from making a mistake that could sabotage the course of action you eventually decide to take. Regardless of whether you decide to leave your husband or stay with him and try to work things out, doing the wrong thing at the outset can make a bad situation worse. Let's look at 5 key things you SHOULDN'T do and examine the reasons why.
1. Don't put him out or leave him--yet.
Instead of your first move, putting your husband out or leaving him should be your last resort. You may eventually decide to do this, but for now, it's the worst thing you can do. Right now you need to keep a close eye on what's going on. It'll be easier to do that if the two of you are still living under the same roof. If you put him out or leave, you'll be hard-pressed to know what he's doing, short of hiring an investigator. As long as you're still together, you can keep your finger on the pulse of his affair and gather some much-needed facts. There's a lot you need to know about the situation before you can make an intelligent decision about what to do. Continue monitoring your husband's activities, attitude, the frequency of his contact with his lover and any other details concerning his affair. Write everything down in a journal for future use. Also bear in mind that as long as he's still there, you have a chance to work things out.
2. Don't tell the whole world about his infidelity.
It's natural to want to confide in somebody about your husband's affair, or rally friends and family to your side. But be very cautious about who you tell. The female friend you confide in could turn out to be the "other woman." Make sure you're confiding in someone you know you can trust. Confiding in a male friend about your husband's affair could complicate the situation. There are men out there who take advantage of women when they're in a vulnerable state. Telling your husband's friends or family may not produce the results you want. They might not take you seriously, or they may lie, make excuses for him, take his side, or warn him to cover his tracks. Confiding in your own family and friends can eventually come back to haunt you. Elephants aren't the only ones who never forget. Some people have a tendency to remember unpleasant events long after they've been resolved. If you and your husband decide to reconcile, they could make things difficult by harboring anger and hostility toward him for what he did to you. Or they may show resentment toward you for taking him back. Exercise caution in who you tell about your husband's affair.
3. Don't ignore his affair or pretend it's not happening.
Going into denial will only make matters worse. As traumatic as it is to find out that your husband has been cheating, you need to face the reality of the situation. Ignoring his infidelity gives him the go-ahead to continue his affair. Pretending it's not happening will make him think he's getting away with his cheating, or give him the impression that he has your silent approval. At some point you should inform your husband that you know about his affair and make it clear that you want it to stop. The sooner you confront him about his cheating, the better. The longer you wait to bring it up and express your disapproval, the more attached he will become to the other woman. And the harder it will be to get your marriage back on track. Remember too, that affairs thrive in secrecy. Sometimes, just telling your husband you know about it, will be enough to put a stop to his affair.
4. Don't confront him without the 3 "P's“: Proof, a Plan, and a Purpose.
Most experts agree that you should confront your husband about his cheating. But you need to have a plan. Choose the time and place carefully so you can discuss the affair at length without interruption. DO NOT ask your husband if he's cheating. CHEATERS ALWAYS LIE. Present the evidence you've gathered that proves he's having an affair-names, dates, places, times, absences, phone calls, physical evidence, etc. Then ask him some pointed questions about his affair: why he did it, how it started, how long it's been going on, how he feels about the other woman, what he intends to do now that you know. Listen carefully to his answers so you can accurately assess the situation. Then you'll be able to make a wise decision about what course of action to take. DO NOT CONFRONT YOUR HUSBAND WITHOUT PROOF OF HIS INFIDELITY. To do so will be a colossal waste of time. Unless you can prove he's been cheating, the information-gathering phase will never get off the ground. If you need proof, there's a way for you to get it without hiring a detective or buying software or surveillance equipment. "Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs" will help you find all the proof you need using only your eyes and ears, your personal knowledge of your husband, and the information in this book.
5. Don't waste your time and energy on the other woman.
One of the worst things you can do is become obsessed with the other woman. It's natural for you to be curious about her, but she's not worth your time and energy. Repeatedly questioning your husband about her, referring to her or dragging her name into the conversation puts the spotlight on her instead of on the real issues where it belongs. Don't obsess over the details of what happened between the two them. Concentrate on working things out between the two of you. Do not humiliate or frustrate yourself by calling or confronting the other woman and demanding that she leave your husband alone. She's not obligated to take orders from you. Harassing her or threatening her will put you on the wrong side of the law. Name-calling, criticizing or belittling her will only make your husband come to her defense. You'll be driving them closer together instead of forcing them apart. Forget about the other woman and focus your energy and efforts on getting your marriage back on track.
Will you end up sabotaging your marriage or saving it? The final outcome depends on the way you handle things when you first discover your husband's affair. In the initial stages, you may be unsure exactly what you're going to do. But at least you know what NOT to do. Whether you stay with your husband or leave him, avoiding these mistakes leaves the way clear for whatever decision you eventually make.
Ruth Houston is the author of "Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs."To learn more about her book, sign up for her infidelity newsletter, or receive a FREE Infidelity report and list of 29 Telltale Signs, visit her website at http://www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com or mailto: CheatingSigns@aol.com
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By Ananda Kiamsha Madelyn Leeke
Love's Troubadours - Karma: Book One tells the story of Karma Francois, a thirtysomething California-born BoHo BAP (Bohemian Black American Princess) with Louisiana roots and urban debutante flair. Karma is a daddy's girl from her head to her toes. She is also a HBCU graduate (Historically Black Colleges and Universities) of Morgan State University and sorority sister (Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Inc.) who is accustomed to living extremely well. Karma is a natural woman with a unique style. She could easily pass as the twin sister of Celia Faussart, one of the Afropean sultry hip-hop songbirds commonly known as Les Nubians. Passing would probably be her first choice since her relationship with her twin sister is emotionally distant.
Reddish-brown locs crown her head. She sees the world through cocoa eyes. Her skin is the color of burnt sugar. The French call it caramel. And like caramel, Karma's personality is a contrasting force of salt and sugar. She epitomizes the Sanskrit meaning of her name: the total effect of a person's choices, actions, and conduct during her lifetime.
Karma also represents a new type of Black woman who is a Love Jones cohort, a member of a vibrant population of Black middle class women who are young, remain single, live alone, and continue to accumulate personal, spiritual, and sensual wealth. Karma is a departure from the video vixens and stoic matriarchs. The way she wears her womanhood as she confronts the effects of her poor life choices and embraces a spiritual journey of healing and love, makes her a 21st century archetype that everyone can relate to.
Love's Troubadours - Karma: Book One shows how a woman uses therapy, yoga, meditation, art, music, poetry, and support from family and friends to confront the effects of her poor life choices and embrace a spiritual journey of healing and love. The novel was written to encourage self-discovery and healing, celebrate poetry and jazz, cultivate financial literacy, illustrate the diversity of loving relationships (straight, lesbian, and gay), emphasize the importance of yoga and meditation practice, and develop HIV/AIDS awareness. It was also written to celebrate Black history, art, culture, and music; Washington, DC neighborhoods such as U Street, Shaw, Adams Morgan and Dupont Circle; and the cultural connections that African Americans share with Africa, Asia, the Caribbean, Europe, and Latin America.
Love's Troubadours' characters are members of service organizations such as the Links, Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, and Omega Psi Phi Fraternity. Many are graduates of Morgan State University, Howard University, Bennett College, Xavier University (New Orleans), Morehouse College, Spelman College, and Savannah State University. Several characters participate in spoken word events, HIV/AIDS awareness activities, and grassroots healing work to help the African American community overcome homophobia.
Love's Troubadours pays homage to Black female writers including Gwendolyn Brooks, Margaret Walker, Lorraine Hansberry, bell hooks, Ann Petry, Nella Larsen, Connie Briscoe, Zora Neale Hurston, Thulani Davis, Ntozake Shange, Dorothy West, Paule Marshall, Alice Walker, Toni Morrison, Gloria Naylor, Pearl Cleage, Jewell Parker Rhodes, Sandra Kitt, Sheneska Jackson, Donna Hill, and Tajuana Butler. The novel also celebrates the music of Alice Coltrane, John Coltrane, Duke Ellington, India.Arie, Amel Larrieux, Omar, Eric Roberson, Fertile Ground, Julie Dexter, Miles Davis, Wynton Marsalis, Les Nubians, Stevie Wonder, Omar Sosa, and Susana Baca. In addition, Love's Troubadours references artists and photographers from such as Lois Mailou Jones, Kara Walker, Renee Stout, Yayoi Kusama, Faith Ringgold, Chris Ofili, Ansel Adams, Marion Perkins, Elizabeth Catlett, Francisco Mora, Alexander Calder, Diego Rivera, Frida Kahlo, Maria Izquierdo, Jean Michel Basquiat, Andre Derain, Annie Lee, Betye Saar, Alison Saar, Amalia Amaki, Joyce Scott, Lorna Simpson, Sister Gertrude Morgan, Archibald Motley, and Adrian Piper.
Love's Troubadours was published by iUniverse, Inc. in August 2007 and is available through Amazon.com, Barnesandnobles.com, Borders.com, Target.com, and Bookamillion.com.
For more information, visit www.lovestroubadours.com. Be sure to watch the Love's Troubadours' YouTube video channel - www.youtube.com/kiamshaleeke. About the Author:
Ananda Kiamsha Madelyn Leeke is a registered yoga teacher, certified Reiki practitioner, artist, writer, creativity coach, and life entrepreneur. She owns and operates Kiamsha.com, LLC, a company that allows her to share her healing arts gifts. Currently, she works as an artist-in-residence for Smith Farm Center for Healing and the Arts (www.smithfarm.com) at Howard University Hospital. As an artist-in-residence, Leeke engages patients and medical staff in creative expression, guiding them to tap inherent creative and cultural roots through breathing, relaxation, and reiki healing touch exercises; and a variety of mediums including visual arts, music, storytelling, and creative writing.
Since 1995, Leeke’s mixed media collages, wire sculptures, and paintings have been exhibited in the Washington D.C. metropolitan area, North Carolina, and Kentucky. The Women’s Collective and Howard University Hospital own Leeke’s wire sculpture collections dedicated to communities of color living with HIV/AIDS. In 2001, her artwork was featured in Heart and Soul Magazine.
Leeke’s poetry is featured in Beyond the Frontier: African American Poetry for the 21st Century edited by E. Ethelbert Miller. Leeke has also self-published several books of poetry and women’s creativity workbooks. In addition, Leeke has facilitated expressive arts and self-care workshops for women of color living with HIV/AIDS; cancer patients, their caregivers, and health care providers; interfaith communities attending the Washington National Cathedral’s women’s spirituality conferences; children with unique learning styles; and lay ministers.
Leeke is a graduate of Morgan State University (B.A. in French, 1986), Howard University School of Law (J.D., 1989), and Georgetown University Law Center (LL.M. in Securities and Financial Regulation, 1991). Her memberships include the Yoga Alliance, Cultural Alliance of Greater Washington’s Business Volunteer Program, Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Inc., All Souls Unitarian Church, and Insight Meditation Community of Washington’s People of Color Sangha. Leeke lives and plays in Washington, D.C.’s historic U Street neighborhood.
For more information, contact kiamshaleeke@yahoo.com. CLICK HERE to return to the Home Page.
By Dorothy Sander
Are you having a problem with communication in your relationship? Understanding the differences in how men and women communicate can help couples avoid difficulties.
 Men and women communicate very differently. We have different goals, purposes and desired outcomes in our communication. The first step toward successful communication in any male/female relationship is to become aware of these differences and understand the gender based nature of the differences. Men and women talk two different languages as a general rule and without understanding, communication breakdown is inevitable.
WOMEN'S STYLE
Women want to feel safe. They want to understand their husband inside and out and be understood by them. A woman feels most comfortable with the style of communication she shares with her best girl friend. They want to sit down over coffee, toss their thoughts and feelings out on the table and look at them from every angle. A female values her girl friend's perspective and understanding. She wants her opinions and thoughts on everything important, even though she isn't necessarily going to take her advice. This form of communication between female friends makes a woman feel "understood" and "connected". When a friend listens to them they feel cared about and loved. And a female is more than happy to return the favor. Problems arise in marriages when the woman expects the same kind of communication and closeness with their male partner, becoming angry and perplexed when their spouse would rather watch a football game than go for coffee with them.
MEN'S STYLE
But ladies, that isn't how men feel comfortable communicating (again as a general rule). In fact, it makes them feel uncomfortable, exposed, and inadequate to have these deep, "sharing" conversations and they avoid it any way they can, by watching football for instance. When you want to "have a talk" and probe them about their feelings like you would a girlfriend, they instantly feel guilty and on the defensive. They don't' get it! They feel so uncomfortable they actually tend to withdraw putting more distance between you instead of bringing you closer.
Men see their relationships as their "home base", a place to feel safe and relaxed. They're happiest when they can sit and watch a football game while their spouse putters around in the kitchen or doing whatever it is they like to do. They feel loved. They feel close. The order and consistency of their marital relationship allows them to relax and feel safe. They don't need to talk. What's there to talk about? Everything is perfect! He has you!
DIFFERENCES
These differences in communication style when misunderstood can lead to a rift in a couple's relationship. Men find themselves avoiding conversations because of the feelings of shame and guilt they elicit. Women feel the men don't care enough about them to have a thoughtful, personal conversation. Each is frustrated by the others lack of understanding of who they are.
This is exactly the point where communication disasters can occur. Hard feelings and anger grow and a wedge is driven between the husband and wife. Therefore, it is extremely important that each work to understand and accept the other's basic differences in communication style and learn to work with it not against it.
SOLUTION
When wives begin to understand that their harmless "sharing" conversations make their husbands feel criticized or guilty, they can soften their approach. They need not give up something that makes them feel close; they just need to make it a little less threatening to their husbands. Begin conversations by affirming your love for your husband and remind him that the conversation is not meant as a criticism, nor is anything expected in return. Understand your husband's instinct to withdraw and turn away when he becomes uncomfortable and converse in small doses; ask for his attention for five minutes instead of thirty five. And remember he loves you, he just loves you differently.
Husbands also need to do their part in trying to understand their wives need for conversation, reminding themselves (even if they don't understand it) that these conversations are not ever meant as criticism but are their wives way of feeling connected.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dorothy_Sander
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